"What We Have Here Is A Failure To Communicate"

Communication. Few find it easy. Most find it very difficult. Being an effective communicator is what separates the stars from the also rans.

Failure to communicate effectively can usually be found at the core of most people issues. Wars. Marital difficulties. Executive derailing. Failure to take on a supervisory role. Interpersonal difficulties with the boss or leadership team. Not being able to voice your ideas.

The other interesting thing is that we communicate differently under stress. We may become more blunt or meek. More direct or more oblique. We may become louder than normal or quieter than normal. We may be so stressed that we can't even think clearly or speak at all. To further illustrate the complexities, four different elements come into play when we talk about communication.

Some tend to think of communication as the ability to deliver effective speeches. While that is a part of being an effective communicator, it is only one part. Actually, oral communication is more descriptive than speaking. The ability to talk with people at all levels----upward, sideways, and downward in the organization is what sets managers apart. Some are good with the boss. Some are good with their staff. Some are good with their peers. Few are good in all directions.

Writing effectively is essential for those who wish to progress upward. Reading and understanding is also essential for those in senior management positions because the volume of paper crossing their desks or computer screens is astounding. The fourth leg and the one often overlooked is perhaps the most important element of managerial communication. Listening. An effective leader has to be an outstanding listener. This cannot be faked because everyone knows whether or not you are really listening. Everyone. Yet, listening is the most ignored element of communication. It is also a very common weakness in the executive ranks.

In my coaching practice, listening is the one ingredient of communication that requires the most work by my clients. We refer to effective listening as generous listening. To illustrate---When someone comes into your office and wants your time, you should put your pen or mouse down, face then squarely, look them in the eye and give them your undivided attention. Generous listening. Your people deserve it. They know you are busy and they therefore are reluctant to disturb you in the first place. When they do it is usually for something very important to them. Give them the attention that they need and focus on their every word.

So, the four legs of effective communication are oral, reading, writing, and listening. It is the rare executive who is good in all four. Yet those are the ones that rise to the top. Remember too that each element is impacted by the amount of stress that you are experiencing. The good news is that all four elements can be improved regardless of your current status in life.